My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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