You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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