a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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