the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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