allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
