My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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