I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
