1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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