I am in a vortex of obligation.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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