I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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