im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
