Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
