Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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