I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
