I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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