my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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