I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
