The beer is more important than you right now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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