Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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