How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
