the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
