So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.