I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy