Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body

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(814): I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body http://tfl.nu/xxkq

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(443): View more from Maryland

so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

(914): View more from New York

so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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(443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5

Replies (11) Good night (4153) Bad night (478)
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(917): View more from New York City

I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

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(917): I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever. http://tfl.nu/rwuq

Replies (38) Good night (7060) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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(386): View more from Florida

he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"

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(386): he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor" http://tfl.nu/h9m9

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(513): View more from Ohio

you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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(513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y

Replies (23) Good night (4657) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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(714): View more from California

We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(714): We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her http://tfl.nu/ekrz

Replies (72) Good night (2009) Bad night (11209) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.

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(815): just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet. http://tfl.nu/j91e

Replies (7) Good night (3250) Bad night (952)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.

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(479): He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave. http://tfl.nu/idj5

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(720): View more from Colorado

Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?

(303): View more from Colorado

He told her it was international road head day.

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(720): Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min? (303): He told her it was international road head day. http://tfl.nu/xtw8

Replies (11) Good night (5137) Bad night (1001)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8

Replies (9) Good night (3086) Bad night (720)
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(432): View more from Texas

I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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(432): I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame. http://tfl.nu/e3aq

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.

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(+44): We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate. http://tfl.nu/gets

Replies (8) Good night (1757) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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(229): View more from Georgia

It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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(229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs

Replies (3) Good night (1197) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.

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(780): I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall. http://tfl.nu/azun

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(502): View more from Kentucky

So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.

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(502): So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/7j91

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