Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.