Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
