I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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