My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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