So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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