I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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