Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
