She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
