Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
