I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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