I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
