Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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