I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
