Ambien. No doubt about it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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