Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
