Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
