Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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