When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
