Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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