Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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