I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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