I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
