You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
