Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
