you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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