she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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