I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
