i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
