They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
