I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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