I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
