The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
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i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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