Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
