He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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