we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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