Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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