Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
