I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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