Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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