i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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