Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
