John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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