giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
