i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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