The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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