i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize