when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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