So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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