it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
