my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this will be a night to untag.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You are the jesus of drinking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
