I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
