Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
