he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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