i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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