Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
